So it's been a long while...
As it always is in my journalng, I just abhor my writing. So it's Valentine's Day, the one day of the year where couples show off their feelings and the end the single people pretend they don't mind being single...or tell the whole world how much they do care.
Since the last update...I haven't stopped spending because I love to spend on my friends, I may not be ok with being alone yet, but that's probably because I'm pining over my closest friend...whome I'm sleeping with...go figure, and I'm still looking for that motivator.
Work in progress understatement!
I'm in a lull, or a funk as NN would call it. An entire life lacking intense satisfaction. I always want the grand excitement of life, the big laughs and smiles without alcohol. Where did it go? Where did I go? To have someone tell you they were glad your friend came and how great it was to see you genuinely happy, to stare at you strange because you are giggling and laughing loudly and being ridiculous.
I sometimes wonder if I'm so down because of a man...because that would be disheartening to my pride. But at times I can't help but think I've lost my way when I don't have "love" as my anchor in life. When nothing else ever really mattered adn you lose the one thing that did, learn to get over it, and long for someone new to matter, the other things still don't. But this is not how I wish to be. I want to be appreciated by a man that warms my heart and my bed, by a man who makes me smile by just being himself, who doesnt laugh at my interests. My Romeo as my friend so put it.
I'm already looking into teaching degrees and maybe helping a Girl Scout troop, potentially moving in a couple months...but all those will be a couple months...
Why won't he just be my Romeo now?
